Christies persuasive Writing

This is my rubric for my persuasive writing piece Here it is
Dear Government,

Imagine an under water world. People communicating just like the fish do under water. People using all kinds of technology under water. People being adopted by sea animals! And that’s just some of the amazing things that I will need to tell you to start planning for the year 3000! Hello my name is Christie. I’m writing this letter to try and influence you to start planning for the future. If you don’t have the technology you could be really stuck. That’s why I’m trying to persuade you to start planning for this possibility. We will not have any place to start building on earth, so we will have to build under water!

We will have to start by building an amazing shop that can turn people into sea people, which will make them able to breathe under water. This would be so cool. If it happens they would be able to communicate with animals! But after they have been transformed they would need an expert to teach them what it is like to be in an under water world. I think this would be a great experience!

The technology will be amazing because it is the year 3000 so TVs will be able to go under water and so will cameras, cell phones and other sorts of technology. This will be so cool because when they are under water they can communicate with people on land. We need to start developing this technology today.

The sea animals that want to adopt you will have to come into an adoption shop. There will be fish that decide which person suits what type of fish, and then they can adopt what person they want. If the humans that want to adopt have a family the parents can do a course.

So just imagine this amazing experience. You would get to have so many memories. You could be a different species for a half of your life, so that is why I’m trying to persuade you to start planning for the year 3000!

Yours truly,

Christie

Feedback on Term 3 Speech - Why Fairytales are Scary

2.37 Fabulous introduction which caught our attention and made us interested in your topic. You gave some excellent examples of why fairytales are scary, using interesting vocabulary. You spoke clearly and with great volume, but perhaps too fast.

Next Steps:
Pause a little so that each point can 'sink in' with the audience. If you slow down it gives people a chance to think about the ideas after you've shared them.

Christie
Team 14
Fendalton School
168 Clyde Rd
Fendalton 8053
Christchurch
New Zealand


24 July 2007


Dear Tania,

My name is Christie and I have just read the book “Unbelievable” and I really enjoy Paul Jennings! The Busker was my favourite story out of the series. I have a few questions for you.

Why is a taxi so important? If you liked someone you wouldn’t say I don’t want to go out with you unless you pay for a taxi. Another question, does money buy happiness? In your case I think it does. Is it that hard to just walk and since you think it is so hard why don’t you just pay for the taxi?

I thought the story was really sad. If you were in the boys’ shoes I think you would of paid for the taxi. You probably have already read the story because you’re one of the characters, but do you know how cool tiny and the busker were? The busker was really selfish but as soon as he won he lotto he became kind and generous and gave everyone to make friends. People didn’t care about him all they cared about was the money.

Tiny was the only one that was loyal to the busker. So Tania just remember money cant buy happiness?



Yours faithfully,





Christie

This is my retell It is about bad jelly the witch. but I have changed it so its her side of the story.

Good Jelly the kind generous Witch

It was the year 1000 and Bad Jelly wasn’t to be found. God was the strongest, and king of this world and only him, one boy, one girl and one cow knew about BAD JELLY THE WITCH.

Hey, so I may not be on earth, but I’m still alive. I’m Good Jelly, the kind, generous witch, but you guys probably think I’m bad and I stole Lucy the cow, and I’m Bad Jelly the Witch but you’re all wrong!

First of all, there are these two annoying brats, Rose and Tim, and they live with their stupid little dog that can apparently play the piano with its tail and you all think its amazing. Ok well, I can do something better with my thumb. I can flick it and straight away I could be making a bee play the piano with it’s antennas. Guess what? That cheeky little brat stung my finger and flew off. I then tried to kill it but I turned it into a tree. I then thought I wasn’t have supposed to have done that. I was supposed to have turned it into a policeman. Oh well, a tree is just as good. Then my finger started to hurt. It started going all purple and fat, uhh yuck. I think I need to go to the doctors.

Rose and Tim lived in a cottage with a cow called Lucy. Their family were really poor.

It was two in the morning when I heard this cow mooing. I was awake already because of my thumb, it was aching in pain. I thought to myself there is no point staying in my bed, in a house that’s a orphan home for unwanted monsters, when I can look after that poor creature crying. That cow could come in and stay at my house too.

So I jumped out of bed and rushed down to check on the cow. I could tell by the shimmer in her eyes she wanted food. So I took her to my home and gave her every thing her little heart desired. It was morning now, around 7, and Rose and Tim set off to get some milk from their cow. Of course she wasn’t there, she was with me. So Rose and Tim went off to find Lucy the cow.

They met a couple of people on the way. They met Binkle Bonk and then there was the earth worm, Mudwiggle. Later there was a Mouse, but I knew one of them the Rusty Tin Lion. He said they were looking for Lucy. I then set off to tell them that Lucy was with me. I was walking in the forest and I saw a rather large tree so I climbed it and didn’t see any of the kids. Then my sack fell down from the tree I went down to get it but then my thumb started throbbing in pain again. The doctor said I should have some medicine when it’s mid day, and I was feeling kind of tired, so I picked my sack up. It felt rather heavy and then I started to hear noises, like ‘let me out’. I thought it was my thumb talking, saying ‘this is killing me’. So I just went home faster to take a pill. It took a while for me to get home and it was around 6pm. If I had my pills and went back it would be twelve by the time I got home. I asked one of my monsters if he could look after my sack and put it back. My eight eyed monster went and put it in the highest tower where all my ingredients were. I then made a joke, I said, “Let’s make some children stew in the morning”, like I was saying there is not much yummy stuff up there.

Now Rose and Tim must have become rather frightened when I said that. The next day I was coming up the tower and the kids somehow got an eagle to take them away. When I got up there I saw them and I said, “Stop right there.” They didn’t stop so I said, “I have got your cow.”
They said, “You evil witch.”
I got pretty offended so I jumped on my broomstick and called them names and said, “I will never give back the cow, you are so mean to it!”

God and I were really good friends. God started hearing about all the things I said and then he got grumpy. I went and made it worse by saying something even nastier. God was furious at me and he kicked me down to a coffin and I’m still alive! Rose and Tim probably got Lucy back. I wonder what happened to my monster home, I really want to get out of here! But I’m writing this story instead.
The End
Christie Morrison (aka GoodJelly the Witch)